Taking Weekend Tennis Seriously

So I’ve never understood the USTA Playoffs.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE USTA Playoffs. I love pretty much everything about it. First of all, I personally do stupid well during the Playoffs…to the point where opponents will want to play me again after that weekend only to be very disappointed at my true tennis abilities when playoff testosterone isn’t coursing through my veins and I’m playing very much within my mind.

But what I really love is how much heightened everything is. This is recreational adult league tennis at its finest. I love the do-or-die atmosphere. I love the tension. I love the captains who hover around the tournament desk to try to sneak peaks at the opposing teams’ line-ups (captains are awful human beings. Watch out for that).

I love the people who are most certainly not treating the poor person running the tournament desk like they themselves would want to be treated and who need to know what’s going on RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW at all times (see my last parentheses).

I love that opposing players will glare at me when they think I’m over-cheering my players (there’s no such thing as over-cheering during playoff tennis).

And I love, love the camaraderie. You will never love your teammates more than when you are pulling for them with all your heart and soul to win their very important, very big deal tennis matches.

What I don’t love about USTA Playoffs, however, is the structure.

It confounds me.

How in the world do we go from a once-a-week match format during the two-month long regular season to multiple matches in a day over the span of a weekend concept for the playoffs? And as one keeps advancing and moving on to the next playoff level, that’s another weekend completely swallowed up by a recreational sport. And if you live in the Dallas, TX area, playoff weekends are in July and August, which are, you know, the hottest months of the year for us. AND THE HOTTEST IN ALL OF AMERICA.

How is this “the reward” for out-of-shape, overweight, middle-aged women who play tennis generally in the least offensive time of day for their families so they can have this one thing for themselves and who most likely have children and spouses who can’t function at home without their mothers/wives being visibly present?

HOW.

To me it’s like if the NFL decided that during the postseason, they would have teams play two football games on consecutive days. That would totally be the equivalent. But obviously the NFL doesn’t do that because 1) they don’t stop doing what they were doing during the regular season and 2) playing a football game on back-to-back days is HAZARDOUS FOR PEOPLE’S HEALTH. People, mind you, who are the absolute best of the best athletes on the face of the planet.

Exactly.

So, I have no doubt that I have the best adult recreational tennis team in the country. Totally. If we were just gonna play your best eight players versus my best eight players (not best players available for that particular day, which is another hotly opinionated blog post unto itself. Best players period. As sports was meant to be played), my team would win. No doubt. NOOOOO DOUBT.

But oh, whoa, what’s this about playing my players after they’ve already played a super tough, super intense match the day before/a super tough, super intense match earlier in the day/two super tough, super intense matches the day before/three-to-four super tough, super intense matches over the last two days?

Oh, no, screw that. I didn’t sign up for that. And most certainly neither did my players.

Who do you think my players are? World-class athletes? Young, in-shape, didn’t give birth to multiple kids up-and-coming-go-getters?

Some of them can’t play three days in a row. Some of them can’t be the one player by herself on one side warming up with two people on the other side. Some of them can’t play a third set because they are exhausted after two sets. Of a practice match. For doubles.

You guys know who you are.

Now someone might say, hey, Christy, that’s on you as the captain for not having a big enough team in order to cover having to play multiple matches in a day, multiple days in a row. And I would say hey, anyone can have a big team. It’s the quality of the players that matter, and my big teams don’t make/do well in the play-offs. Recruiting, much like running in doubles, is not my strong suit. You try to recruit tennis studs with this personality. Or lack of tennis talent evaluating abilities.

Don’t even get me started on the part where the end goal of USTA Playoffs involves people having to somehow convince their families to let them travel and stay the night/multiple nights in a strange city for league tennis matches. Like, it’s hard enough for women with families to be allowed to play on the weekends for one tennis match in their backyard let alone spend money while shirking their familial responsibilities and duties and otherwise purpose in life for a whole weekend away from home just for some silly, stupid rec sport.

So what I’m saying is the whole concept of a playoff structure resulting in some sort of state-wide or Nationals Championship in recreational adult sports is an inherently cruel, sick joke for the Moms and Dads (and the captains and teammates who love them) who want an athletic outlet while in the midst of living their American Dream with the 2.5 kids and white picket fence. Did you follow all that? THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING.

Exactly.

So…Good luck to all the Dallas teams representing at USTA Texas Sectionals this weekend!! AND the Ft. Worth teams, specifically every match Becky Ringer plays. Enjoy that 7 am roll call (6:15 am warm-up) the next two days! 😉